New song - "Home"

Song Feedback
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Hi all. I know I’ve been MIA for a bit. My schedule changed quite a bit, so I’ve had less free time.
Anyway, I have a song I wanted to share. It’s not particularly interesting lyrically, but rather, it’s more a piece that I am processing some emotions with (while trying to practice some production techniques)
The song is still a work in progress.
For me, it’s a reflection of my life, and largely, my faith. How I’ve conformed to peoples expectations, rules and systems, yet still still failed to find unwavering acceptance and love.
Brene Brown has this quote, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are."
It’s a song about the search for home… or faith, or place of belonging and acceptance, Starting within myself, and hopefully, moving out to a greater community. A place where I can show up as myself and be truly loved for who I am.

I’ve traveled far and wide
I lived one thousand lives
And the road it took me further than I wanted
The road it took me further than I wanted

I’ve seen beauty
I’ve seen the beast
Lost myself tryin to feel complete
And I’m aching, I’m aching, I’m aching to
Come back home
I’m aching, I’m aching, I’m aching to
Come back home

I just wanna go home

I’m searching for hearts that can’t be shaken
And love that can’t be taken
And a light that doesn’t fade away
I’m searching for earth to plant my feet in
For something to believe in
And a dream that I can call my own

I just wanna go home

Broke my ribs tryin to fit in boxes
Torn to shred by all the foxes

(I just wanna belong)

4 Likes
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This is a frickin track!!

all I can really say about the lyrics is that last little bit

is pretty random. I understand the concept of you trying to please other but they end up tearing you apart. There might be a way of conveying that differently? BUT! in no way does that detract from the song.

Production side this track is so good I’m so jealous!! listening in my headphones all the effects and stuff are balanced left and right awesomely! any way you could mix in a deeper bass, seems to be missing that fat bass, like I can hear it but it sounds like its in the background just waiting to burst through.

Again! just my thoughts this track is sick though well done!!

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This is actually really great feedback! Thank you :slight_smile:
And I agree with you about that bit being random. I thought it was a clever lyric, but I did end up kinda “forcing” it to work. I think I’m actually going to take it out, based on this feedback and some other that
I’ve received.
I’ve also had the same feedback about needing a more solid bass too, so good ear!
I’d like to finish it, but I need a break from it for now, lol

I’m glad you liked it though, thanks for listening!

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This is a killer song. I like the instrumental stops, it adds a certain tension to it by interrupting the nice flow. The lyrics are really well written, concise, and emotional.

I’m going to offer some comments on the lyrics, and that in no way means you should change them. Just my thoughts on them.

Here, I feel like there is a call back to the “road” in that you are being lost and have seen the beauty and beast along the way. But, maybe something to tie back to beast and the overall theme would make it a little more flow-y and tie to the “aching” in the following lines. I was thinking of “eaten away trying to feel complete” (like the beauty and the beast have chiseled you into something less than complete. Or “break myself trying to feel complete”. It has the same type of contrast as “lost” with “complete”, but with a little more tactile sensation. If sticking with “lost”, I think “my way” may work better than “myself” to recall the road that took you further.

I really like this part, but I feel like you throw away a small opportunity to continue an image. You say “plant my feet in”, the next line could build on that by replacing “something” with something more explicit. The first thing that comes to mind is “To nurture, care, and feed it” or "even just “to tend to and believe in”. That follows a “garden” type of image.

A small thought about “A light that doesn’t fade away”, that is a strong line but maybe something like “And a light that doesn’t dim with the days” is also nice and again refers to a long-time goal/road (as well as granting some alliteration which is fun…).

To @Tofu4 's point, the “foxes”, I think, is what takes a listener a little bit out of the image. Foxes are notorious predators, but also quite beautiful. I assume that these particular foxes are the coy beasts from earlier. For something a little different, and giving a loose rhyme rather than a perfect one, you could say something like “Torn to shreds until I’ve lost it”, or “sold my soul for half the cost” or something along those lines.

I hope that these notes do not in any way detrimentally impact your feeling of this song. IT IS AMAZING as is. I just thought I would share my thoughts with you. Great work and thank you so much for sharing!

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You’ve brought up some great points and I certainly agree with them. When I wrote the song I was in somewhat of a creative frenzy, so I was wanting to add ideas or elements, but I never circled back to edit them or make sure everything was cohesive. I was also very focused on the production end of it, less on the lyrics.

I am going to rework the song and take these suggestions to heart. As always, I appreciate and value your input! Thank you :slight_smile:

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I wish I could provide more insight into the production stuff, but I don’t really know anything about it (other than it sounds really good and no part of the mix drowns out the other).

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As always I am insanely jealous of your production skills - it is such a foreign world to me but I can tell you have reached a level of competencey where you have real control of the tension and release of it all through the layering, the sounds, the pauses and entries etc. We’ll need a masterclass at some point!

I enjoyed the discussion regarding the boxes and foxes - I agree on paper it is a bit detached but in the context of the music it is kind of cool to have that really contrasting section both musically and lyrically. If it was me, I would probably try to expand and develop this section in the space where you currently have the lyric repeated (i.e adding some more lines rather than repeating them). I think as it stands the foxes pops out as a neat little rhyme to boxes, but if you could dive deeper into the imagery you could give the idea you are aiming at a stronger footing, and potentially find some more of those sorts of interesting lines. Another way of putting it, I think there is a really cool concept baked into “torn to shreds by all the foxes”, but I think it needs a tiny bit more support to communicate it.

But that’s just me scrambling for feedback in what is a VERY polished song - so well done this must have taken a tonne of work! If you do go onto develop it, it would be cool to use this same thread so that we can see the linear progression.

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thanks for the feedback! You also have some great points that I want to mull over. I agree the foxes section adds a bit of contrast, so it might be nice to work on that a bit.
The biggest issue right now I have is finding the will to go back and adjust a song I don’t really love anymore… Something I’m learning is common when you listen to a song too many times. :wink:
And I’m always happy to assist with any production questions!

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