Today we are practising the crafting of metaphors even more explicitly, by colliding two nouns together. There will be two lists of nouns, and you have to write about one of the nouns in the first list as if it was one of the nouns on the second list.
Target Nouns
Wince
Frisbee
Poem
Summer
Restaurant
Source Nouns
Cargo ship
Zipper
Evening
Captain
Wineglass
So your prompt will be in the form of “Target Noun” is a “Source Noun”. So for example, you can describe a poem using the language world of an evening, or the summer as a captain. There are lots of interesting possibilities to explore - enjoy!
The flimsy disk hauls its freight drunkenly across the the ocean of children’s laughter and storm of banal music. It’s freight cars filled with astronaut dreams, policemen, fire trucks, and Legos. Along its undefined precarious course, it narrowly misses icebergs of realism. It’s astrolabe triangulates fantasy, fun, and fractured attention span, ignoring any sense of reality. Chocolate cake and burning rainbow candles provide an aromatic background to the “Happy Birthday” sea chantey. It roughly tips sideways and rolls along the green gulf, miles from the nearest harbor of welcoming arms, its precious cargo still in tact.
The poem is a wineglass, intoxicating the body with Moscato of blended words, sweet to the pallet with a hint of odd meter and rhyme. Giving off subtle scents when swirled elegantly in the glass, waiting to be enjoyed by those so inclined. Fragile care must be taken, to hold something within but still be something of beauty requiring strong foundations but being vulnerable enough to let the outside see the contents of its beauty.
I like it, the last line about rolling along green gulf and he harbour of welcoming arms is very nice imagery. Though I’m not sure I’d associate the cargo ship with being flimsy hahaha, maybe the frisbee could be made out of wrought iron or steel instead?
The sensory words are strong here. I really like the way you painted the poem overall as an intoxicant, then break apart its palate, aroma, finish, etc… The fragility is a surprising and very interesting use that is most fitting. Great job!
The summer is a captain, commander of seasons. She struts out to direct the ship, adorned in a clear blue uniform and a cap of clouds. Under her temperate and watchful eye, the crew busies itself, preparing for the storms ahead. She is a proud season, bathed in sunlight and a lullaby breeze, she stands for hope in the colder days lurking ahead.
Poem is a Cargo Ship
The poem is loaded with towering palates of the cargo of experience. Each verse is a rugged container tightly packed with rhetorical freight that will voyage across generational oceans to distant shores where forlorn and shipwrecked brothers might one day unpack such a treasure trove of understanding. The poem gently crashes through the iambic waves forming a steady pulse that accompanies the sun from its most hopeful rise to its most fearful fall.
This is brilliant! You’ve captured so many nautical aspects of the cargo ship and mapped them viscerally onto the frisbee. I have personally found this exercise to be incredibly illuminating, as being able to think of a frisbee as hauling drunkenly across an ocean of children’s laughter, or tipping miles from the nearest harbour of welcoming arms, is opening up rich connections that I never would have otherwise made - really great work!
Again, this is all brilliant stuff! Having just thought about a poem in terms of a cargo ship myself, now I get the pleasure of thinking about it in a whole new different light, and it is amazing how the sensory palate associated with the wineglass has brought the poem into a whole new life. Words are just amazing things!
This is fun because I did “Summer Governs” earlier. It’s like summer is a super strong! Ha. I love the use of strut here, to show some ostentation under her “temperate” eye. That is really neat subtle tension. Your visuals, tension, auditory, and tactile verbiage is all well done.
This is good imagery. To me, the coolest thing you do hear is tell how a poem is so much more than what we see. More than the words on the page (the cargo containers we see), it contains treasures unique to each reader (the shipwrecked people get what they need from it, even if their needs are different). The pulse and crash create cool auditory images as well. Good job!
Very nice! I’ve always thought of summer being the commanding season and this is just perfect that its the captain of the seasons, the hope in the colder days lurking ahead. and the clear blue uniform and a cap of clouds is such a nice visual of summer!
@jamie Yes! the complete opposite of the delicacy of a wineglass! very cool to think of the verses as rugged containers packed with rhetorical freight! It really is incredible how one thing can be seen in so many different colours.
The poem is a zipper, the guardian between the covered, and the exposed. A puzzle, dictating how and when an idea will be conveyed. Stitched tightly to the seams with metaphors and fanciful language.
With every line read, it opens slightly, revealing another idea. When it’s been fully unzipped, it reveals the most vulnerable, beautiful, deeply held secrets. It must be handled with gentleness and care, else it might get stuck or break, forever concealing treasured thoughts.
The guardian between the hidden and exposed is super awesome. The “how and when” is cool because of the temporal sense we get. I really love the “fanciful language” phrase because it shows that tendency for poetry to lose itself in the wonders of the word. One thing about the last line: you could bring in tactile senses by talking about the zipper pinching rather than just sticking or breaking. Well done
Wow Crysty this is a really interesting metaphor you have crafted! I never would have thought of a poem as a zipper in a million years but you have made this work really well and I enjoyed reading it so thank you and well done!
Took a risk with this one. Hopefully some of it makes sense!
Summer - Zipper
Summer is a zipper, connector of seasons and binder of relationships. From spring to autumn a long path exists that one must take at just the right pace, or risk getting stuck. Sunscreen, sunglasses, and a facade of fun are protected, zipped up all the way. Only when we begin to expose the nakedness of summer, when late-night sunsets are no longer pinched together with twilight, do we begin to understand the deeper meaning.
I like it. These collisions can be tough, but yours works well. The only thing I question is the “binder of relationships”. The “connector of seasons” image flows throughout the piece. When I read this, I get an image of a bridge, a little shaky one that is a “cross at your own peril” kind of thing. That is super interesting. I guess I just see this as setting summer not as a “binder” of the relationship between autumn and spring, but almost as a test, or a temptation. Like summer is somewhat dangerous. One other thing to consider (and I had trouble with this as well) is to remember to drill into your senses. This one is a little light on sensory language, even though it is a powerful piece for other reasons. Great job!
My wince is a zipper unclothing my silent fears, hidden in plain sight, as the ‘Road Closed’ sign grows in the distance. My thumb flicks on the flashing, green left arrow as I swear through gritted teeth, shouting horns and suspicious glances over my shoulder. The drivers sit confidently behind air bags and three-point belts as they test fate, unafraid of snags as their bumpers nearly slide under one another. My wrist grimaces in recollection of the last meeting with thick, hard pavement as I roar into the crack between the two metal death traps.